humor: August 2007 Archives

Gyles J of the Federal Court of Australia made some rather scathing observations about the competence (or lack thereof) of certain solicitors and their conduct of a matter before him in Jovanovski v Telstra Corporation Limited [2007] FCA 1322:

1. The chronology of this matter to date makes very sad reading. It demonstrates a continuing failure to understand the obligations of a solicitor in matters of this kind on several levels. The first and most fundamental is not appearing on the date and time required in Court on two occasions. Secondly, absolutely incompetent attention to the settling of an index which, itself, involved time defaults. Thirdly, not ensuring, by the time this application was made, that the index was settled. Fourthly, having the temerity to suggest that the costs, if the application were allowed, should be costs in the cause. Fifthly, having failed to appear initially, on the next occasion being represented by an agent who had no idea about the case at all and was unable to advance any substantive assistance having told me he had been called at the last moment, then persisting, on the following occasion, in having that agent appear again, still with no idea about the case. Finally, in providing an absurd explanation about 10.00 am rather than 9.30 am being the time when, first of all, 9.30 am is the general time for directions in this Court, secondly, where there is a list published every day, and thirdly, a list is available on the internet the night before and on the morning of the directions hearing. I say "absurd" because it shows a total incompetence by the practitioners concerned, both the principal and the agent.

2. The difficulty I have, of course, is that I am not here to discipline solicitors. I am here to hear cases by litigants. There is no time limit involved. The applicant, I am told by counsel, has a case worth pursuing and it would be unjust if that were not permitted to be pursued because of the defaults of the solicitors concerned who, frankly, it seems to me, still have absolutely no idea of the obligations involved to their client and to the Court. But that can be cured, so far as I am concerned, by costs. Professional discipline is not within my jurisdiction. However, the judgment will not be set aside unless and until an index is settled.

3. The order dismissing this proceeding is set aside conditionally upon a settled index being filed on or before 23 August 2007. I order that the costs of and incidental to this motion be paid by the solicitor for the applicant upon an indemnity basis.

Ouch!

The Computer and Communications Industry Association (a group of tech companies including Microsoft, Google, et al) has filed a formal complaint with the US Fair Trade Commission, over "years of consumer deception" in the form of misleading and deceptive copyright warnings from major copyright holders.

Some examples of the types of warnings in issue here include:

NFL warning:  (this clip was, itself, ironically, the subject of a DMCA takedown notice from the NFL)


Sterling Mets warning:


Commissioner of Baseball warning:

The consequences for disregarding these warnings can be severe:


The complaint alleges that the copyright holders:

have engaged, and continue to engage in, a nationwide pattern of unfair and deceptive trade practices by misrepresenting consumer rights under copyright law, and in some cases threatening criminal and civil penalties against consumers who choose to exercise statutorily or Constitutionally guaranteed rights. These false representations violate the letter and spirit of the Federal Trade Commission Act's prohibition against unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce.

Other articles on this topic are here and here.  [For nytimes.com username and password, use bugmenot.com]

Kevin Andrews, the Minister for Immigration, has had a lot to say in public about "irregularities" in the CV of one of Dr Mohamed Haneef's co-workers.  Interestingly, brisbanetimes.com.au reports that the Minister's own CV may have overstated his accomplishments.

The controversy relates to three publications, which are:

• Kevin Andrews, 'You as an Elderly Person' in Jude Wallace and Tony Pagone (eds), Rights and Freedoms in Australia (1990).  [one paper out of 25]
• Kevin Andrews, 'Regulating Embryo Experimentation' in Hiram Caton (ed), Trends in Biomedical Regulation. [one paper out of 21]
• Kevin Andrews, 'In-vitro Fertilisation and Genetic Manipulation - Australian Developments' in C J Vas and E J De Souza (eds) Issues in Biomedical Ethics (1990) [conference proceedings, one paper out of 39]

Fairly clear-cut so far.  Two chapters in edited books, and one paper in a published conference proceedings.  Yet, the Minister's CV and website claims that he co-authored each of these books.  Puffery?  Edited by an underling who isn't wise to the nuance of academia?  Summarising with extreme prejudice?  Who knows.  But one thing is certain: the list of things that Kevin Andrews has to explain has just gotten longer.

[Update: Andrews is reportedly still insisting he "co-authored" the books in question.]

What do you get when a megalomaniacal anthropomorphic rat acts as a lawyer for a dim-witted anthropomorphic crocodile, suing an anthropomorphic zebra for "wilfully failing to be the food" of the crocodile, and the zebra is represented by a sociopathic anthropomorphic duck who could be the reincarnation of Colonel Walter E. Kurtz from Apocalypse Now?

You get a damn funny and surprisingly insightful story line in one of my favourite online comics, that's what you get.  They would make a very interesting discussion point in the undergraduate "Professional Responsibility" unit.  The strips reflect beautifully on the excesses of the current US legal system, the public perception of lawyers as ambulance-chasing vermin (in this case, literally true) who would sell out their friends for a dollar, and litigious plaintiffs for whom the legal system is "like lotto, only wid [sic] better odds and no ping-pong balls".

This story line runs from the 12th of August onwards.  For reasons which should be obvious, I can't reproduce them all here, but I will give you one teaser:



I highly recommend you check it out.