humor: December 2007 Archives
A very merry cat-mess to all my friends and readers, from me, Arbie, Jinx and Poppy...
News.com.au reports that Chuck Norris has sued publisher Penguin and others over a book compiling some of the non-sensical purported facts about him that circulate on the Internet, such as 'Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried' and 'Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.'
The lawsuit alleges that 'some of the 'facts' in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr Norris as engaged in illegal activities' and that the 'defendants have misappropriated and exploited Mr Norris's name and likeness without authorisation for their own commercial profit.'
The lawsuit alleges that 'some of the 'facts' in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr Norris as engaged in illegal activities' and that the 'defendants have misappropriated and exploited Mr Norris's name and likeness without authorisation for their own commercial profit.'
This bizarre coincidence has brightened my Friday...
Yesterday, I was writing (for my supervisor) some tutorial questions for the 'e-commerce' tute in a Masters subject on consumer protection laws. One of the questions involved a software program known as 'Microstuff Office'.
One of the questions, as sent to my supervisor (upsub antefiling), read in part:
Today brings news that a recent software update to the Mac the Intuit QuickBooks Pro has, in fact, become deranged and erased the accounting data files of its users. In my question, Microstuff relied on the disclaimer and limitation of liability clauses in the EULA -- I wonder whether Intuit will?
Some of the meanings that dictionary.com gives for 'deranged' (or 'derange') include 'to upset the normal condition or functioning of' and 'to throw into disorder; disarrange'. On that basis, I maintain that 'deranged' was an appropriate word in the context :)
Yesterday, I was writing (for my supervisor) some tutorial questions for the 'e-commerce' tute in a Masters subject on consumer protection laws. One of the questions involved a software program known as 'Microstuff Office'.
One of the questions, as sent to my supervisor (upsub antefiling), read in part:
John returns home and tries to install Microstuff Office ... Because of an inherent design flaw in Microstuff Office, it becomes deranged and erases all the information stored on his computer ...I wasn't really expecting the 'deranged' part to make it into the final form of the question, and the language was in fact moderated by higher authority, but was good for a laugh.
Today brings news that a recent software update to the Mac the Intuit QuickBooks Pro has, in fact, become deranged and erased the accounting data files of its users. In my question, Microstuff relied on the disclaimer and limitation of liability clauses in the EULA -- I wonder whether Intuit will?
Some of the meanings that dictionary.com gives for 'deranged' (or 'derange') include 'to upset the normal condition or functioning of' and 'to throw into disorder; disarrange'. On that basis, I maintain that 'deranged' was an appropriate word in the context :)
Courtesy of The Notorious Ross Wheeler and the forwarded-emails-o'-humor department, I present for your viewing pleasure this (slightly customised) Notice of Seasonal Greeting:
From Dale Clapperton and The Voices In His Head ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee")
Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral, celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. All other conditions, warranties, karmic influences or warm fuzzy feelings, express or implied, are disclaimed, including conditions or warranties that may be implied by Pt V of the Trade Practices Act 1974 (Cth), if the wishor was in trade or commerce, which the wishor is not.
- This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
- This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged. This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
- This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
- This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer" or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
It seems that Qantas maintenance people haven't quite figured out the difference between oxygen and nitrogen. The Sydney Morning Herald is reporting that Qantas ground crew at Melbourne airport accidentally filled the oxygen tanks of a Boeing 747 with nitrogen instead of oxygen:
Of course the attachments didn't fit. They're designed not to fit, so that you can't accidentally put nitrogen in an oxygen tank (potentially deadly if oxygen is required), or fill an aircraft's tyres with oxygen instead of nitrogen (would probably explode, either immediately or on the next flight).
Qantas passengers will no doubt be relieved to know that the passenger oxygen masks are (AFAIK) supplied by chemical oxygen generators, and so in the event of depressurisation, the passengers would have oxygen, and remain conscious all the way to the ground, while the cockpit crew would be unconscious and therefore spared the fate of seeing the ground come up and smack them in the face. (to use the words of Gerry Carrol)
The aviation source said: "Qantas took delivery of the new nitrogen cart 10 months ago.
"It looked exactly like the old oxygen cart. When the attachments did not fit they went and took them off the old oxygen cart and started using it."
Of course the attachments didn't fit. They're designed not to fit, so that you can't accidentally put nitrogen in an oxygen tank (potentially deadly if oxygen is required), or fill an aircraft's tyres with oxygen instead of nitrogen (would probably explode, either immediately or on the next flight).
Qantas passengers will no doubt be relieved to know that the passenger oxygen masks are (AFAIK) supplied by chemical oxygen generators, and so in the event of depressurisation, the passengers would have oxygen, and remain conscious all the way to the ground, while the cockpit crew would be unconscious and therefore spared the fate of seeing the ground come up and smack them in the face. (to use the words of Gerry Carrol)
The Federal Court has sentenced 'His Excellency' David Robert Siminton, 'Governor of the State of Sherwood' (Sherwood being a province of the 'Principality of Camside'), and also a principal (pun not intended) of a financial investment scam (maybe it should be 'Principality of Scamside'?) to jail for contempt.
In Australian Prudential Regulation Authority v Siminton (No 10) [2007] FCA 1814, Siminton was found in contempt in relation to eight charges of unauthorised dealings with funds (received from duped 'investors') which Siminton had been restrained from dealing with. Siminton was sentenced to 12 months jail on each of the eight charges, to be served concurrently, and ordered to pay APRA's costs on a solicitor-client basis.
In Australian Prudential Regulation Authority v Siminton (No 11) [2007] FCA 1815, Siminton was found in contempt for having not paid a fine previously imposed on him by the Full Court of the Federal Court. Siminton was sentenced to 4 months, and ordered to pay APRA's costs on a solicitor-client basis.
In both judgments, the Court ordered that a warrant for Siminton's imprisonment issue, but lie on the court file until further order, Siminton's counsel having indicated that Siminton would appeal in both matters. Siminton was ordered to stay away from points of international departure and to report to police once a week. Perhaps I'm being overly critical, but where someone has been sentanced to jail for 'wilful and contumacious' contempt of previous court orders, it seems a bit naive to think that another court order would stop Siminton skipping the country before he could be locked up?
Siminton's appeal to the Full Court should make for interesting reading. Apparently Siminton has diplomatic immunity -- I'm sure that will get raised.
In Australian Prudential Regulation Authority v Siminton (No 10) [2007] FCA 1814, Siminton was found in contempt in relation to eight charges of unauthorised dealings with funds (received from duped 'investors') which Siminton had been restrained from dealing with. Siminton was sentenced to 12 months jail on each of the eight charges, to be served concurrently, and ordered to pay APRA's costs on a solicitor-client basis.
In Australian Prudential Regulation Authority v Siminton (No 11) [2007] FCA 1815, Siminton was found in contempt for having not paid a fine previously imposed on him by the Full Court of the Federal Court. Siminton was sentenced to 4 months, and ordered to pay APRA's costs on a solicitor-client basis.
In both judgments, the Court ordered that a warrant for Siminton's imprisonment issue, but lie on the court file until further order, Siminton's counsel having indicated that Siminton would appeal in both matters. Siminton was ordered to stay away from points of international departure and to report to police once a week. Perhaps I'm being overly critical, but where someone has been sentanced to jail for 'wilful and contumacious' contempt of previous court orders, it seems a bit naive to think that another court order would stop Siminton skipping the country before he could be locked up?
Siminton's appeal to the Full Court should make for interesting reading. Apparently Siminton has diplomatic immunity -- I'm sure that will get raised.
